this post has a pun in it

 after i made my last post i decided to start working on stalking a new victim. pretty normal, boring guy. lost his wife a few years ago so that gave me plenty of fuel to use. 

he went out for a hike on a trail near his house, so my plan was to use his wifes body-shut up you disgusting pervert i did not mean in that way-and stay close to him in the woods while he walked, close enough he would catch occasional glimpses but not close enough he would immediately see me. i thought it would be a nice start to a good month or two of stalking and spooking.

i did this for about twenty minutes, and i could tell he was getting slightly unnerved, but i had to stop when i came across a dead deer.

normally i would not care, animals do not usually end up in bliss and most fears do not care about them anyways...though that makes me curious, are there fears for animals? i will have to file that away to explore later, 

no, what made me stop is that the dead deer got up off the ground. i realized deers do not do this after a moment of contemplation.

its face lost its features, becoming flat skin, except for a bunch of bumpy blemishes. then the blemishes blinked open, and revealed that they were simply eyes masquerading as bumpy blemishes. 

that was when i realized that The Eye had come to visit.

“ARCHANGEL”

“hello Eye” i said. “why are you a deer?”

“IRRELEVANT” said The Eye. “ARCHANGEL. I HAVE COME TO-“

“no i can assure you that we are not going to be having any conversation until you explain the deer thing.”

he let out a noise of eldritch rumbling that can best be described in human terms as a “groan”. “VERY WELL. THE DEER’S CORPSE WAS THE CLOSEST THING NEAR YOU AND I DID NOT WANT TO INTRUDE UPON YOUR TERRITORY BY POSSESSING AND DECAYING THE HUMAN YOU ARE PURSUING. DOES THIS ANSWER SATISFY YOU?”

i was satisfied. “i am satisfied.”

“VERY GOOD. I AM HERE TO SPEAK TO YOU ABOUT YOUR RECENT ACTIVITIES. SPECIFICALLY, YOUR BLOG.”

then i let out an actual human groan. of course i had to deal with the annoying rules, which i did not even worry that i broke. 

a ring of man sized eyes appeared around me and The Eye-deer. The Eye likes to do this when holding conversations, so that he can judge and watch the other party from every possible angle. he is very big on both judging and watching for obvious reasons. 

i heard a soft growl and turned around. there was what can roughly be described as a dog, except made of smoke swirling in a canine form instead of the traditional meat and bones.

this is The Black Dog, fear of guilt and secrets. we call it The Black Dog because it is black and appears similar to a dog. i came up with the name first, i am very proud of it.

The Black Dog does not have an owner but The Eye can be considered the closest thing to it. he likes to bring it with him when dealing with other fears in his role as arbitrator of our rules, because its ability to sniff out any secrets means that lying to him in those moments is unwise.

“fine, what is the issue?”

“YOU ARE AWARE THAT OUR RULES PREVENTS US FROM REVEALING OUR EXISTENCE TO THE WORLD AT LARGE?”

“i was both there when the rules were made and also incapable of forgetting information so yes.”

“THE BLOG YOU HAVE CREATED HAS REVEALED INFORMATION ABOUT YOURSELF, YOUR STATUS, AND ABOUT US. IT HAS GIVEN INSIGHT TO OUR RULES AND HOW WE OPERATE. DO YOU AGREE THAT THIS INFORMATION IS A VIOLATION OF THE RULES?”

“no.” i said while shrugging.

The Eye-deer shrugged. “YOU DO NOT? EXPLAIN.”

“because many of our victims have made blogs about us before.”

“THEY ARE HUMANS. WE DO NOT REGULATE THEIR ACTIVITIES.”

“oh and of course the Dying Man shards like to take over their blogs for a post or two occasionally..”

“WELL YES BUT THAT IS-“

“and yet” i said, enjoying interrupting him because he is honestly very annoying. “i am noticing that our existence is not revealed to the world at large.”

“...THAT IS...IT IS NOT THE POINT. THE POINT IS THAT YOU ARE TAKING A VERY BIG RISK WITH THIS BLOG.”

“i am not, because the world at large does not care about a few blogs online. they are far too ‘under the radar’ as humans say. and the people who do see them will not be concerned about the information they give away.”

“WHY NOT?”

“because they are not going to think it is real. they will think it is a joke, a hoax, or a prank. or maybe even a story made up by a group of idiots on the internet. the point is, there is no risk here. i have not revealed anything to anyone, and it will remain that way because that is simply how humans are.” i said. “now, if you do not have anything else to say, would you kindly leave?”

The Eye did not say anything for a moment, thinking everything over before finally saying “FINE. I WILL LEAVE. HOWEVER, DO NOT THINK THIS IS THE END OF THIS. I WILL BE WATCHING YOU, ARCHANGEL, AND I WILL BE THERE TO JUDGE YOU IF AND WHEN YOU SLIP UP.”

“keeping an..eye on me, then?” 

with the tone of someone not even aware of what a pun is, he said “YES.”

the circle of eyes vanished, and the deer returned to being a corpse on the ground. i looked behind me and saw the Black Dog had left too. 

i was too frustrated to continue trying to stalk the human, frustrated at The Eye for interrupting me, frustrated at being interrupted for something stupid, and frustrated that he did not get my pun. The Eye is very much an irritating fear to deal with, and i can only hope i do not have to do so again soon.